happy birthday darling boy

:: 12 months ::

My darling firstborn son. How I love you! I don’t even know how to put it all into words. It’s hard for Daddy and I to believe that you are a year old now. You are such a delight to our hearts and have changed us forever for the better. This has been the best, hardest, most wonderful year of my life and I wouldn’t exchange it for the world. Thank you for making me a mother. I will always be grateful.

Here are some of the fun things you’ve been doing this month:

You’ve started to do some hand motions while singing songs now. Mostly you just wave your hands around in the air, but it’s so cute to see you trying.

You’re imitating lots more noises - blowing, dog, train, whistle, helicopter, fan, drain. Your sound for many of these is the same, but nonetheless, you think you are doing them “correctly”. It’s so much to see you learning all the time!

You can now easily get yourself off of mommy and daddy’s bed without any assistance. You just turn around and scoot off like it’s no big deal.

The tantrums have really increased this month. Oh. My. Goodness. You are an opinionated little lad, which I love, but it also means that when you are crossed you are cross! I know that you’ll eventually learn that tantrums won’t get you very far with me (or daddy) but in the meantime you’re giving me a run for my money! Your tantrums get much worse (more frequent) when you are teething or unwell or tired, and there seems to have been lots of that this month.

You are a dancing machine! Seriously, you can’t even hear a commercial jingle on TV or on the radio without bopping along to it or waving your hands. You also turn around, bounce up and down, do a little pelvic scoop, bop your head, do a little “whoop whoop” move with your hands… the list goes on. It’s hilarious and so endearing. We hope you never stop dancing!

You easily go up and down stairs now. (Crawling of course.)

You started walking! You were 11½ months when you really took off walking and have never looked back. I’m pretty sure you transitioned from crawling to running within a few days! You are fast and you love your mobility!

We’ve now taken you to the water park for the first time since you could walk on your own. You had a blast! You ran back and forth through the fountains and under the buckets. Our little man who has just learned how to walk has no fear of running in and out of the water toys. Super fun!!

You are still obsessed with books. Seriously! You always have piles of books around the house. You love them and can’t get enough.

We think you are teething your molars. It’s must be miserable for you! And of course it’s a bit painful for us too. Hopefully this won’t last too long.

You’ve been doing the scrunchie face a lot lately. Especially when you’ve misbehaved and you’re trying to look cute and innocent, or when you are irritated about something. It’s funny!

You still love the guitar. Whenever you are at the base you love watching the guitarists play during worship. If you see a guitar in a photo or something, you go nuts about that too. Our little music man.

When you want to listen to music, you wave one hand in the air and say “uh, uh, uh!” until we acknowledge it. Sometimes you want to hear music so bad that you will throw a mini-tantrum. You’re a man who knows what he wants!

You love peekaboo and will put your hands over your face when you want to play.

You give me a huge circus when it’s time to brush your teeth! You love to do it yourself (chew on the brush etc.) but when I try to take it back and brush them properly you go insane and kick and scream and arch your back. Wow, you make me sweat.

One of my favorite little things you do at the moment is put your arm around my shoulder when I carry you. You just hook it around and under the back of my arm. So simple but it melts my heart. Love.

At your one-year check-up you were _____ pounds (___ kilos) and ____ inches (___ centimeters). You’re right on track and a healthy average. Oh, and you barely cried when you got your immunizations. That was a relief and a blessing to mama. 

We love you sweetheart and we thank God for your precious life. Our lives are so much richer because of you.

love forever and always,

mama

a party for one

It was a good, good day... as evidenced by the amount of chocolate involved.

A chance to celebrate the life of you - our precious son... our treasure, our joy, our sweet, sweet boy.

We started off the day with fireworks--well, sort of--and opening pretty packages with Gigi and Gramps over skype and Nanny and Bop in person. How wonderful it was to have all of your grandparents present for... the presents.

And then of course was the party. There were lots of banners... big, floating balloons... party pies and sausage rolls (classic Aussie kids party food)... adorable and animated munchkins under three feet tall... many wonderful friends... brightly wrapped gifts... party hats... and of course cupcakes... many cupcakes. (We are still eating cupcakes.)

There was a make-shift photo booth... for laughs and memories and future blackmail material. (You weren't really in the mood, sweetie.)

There were squeals of delight... and well-wishes... three generations... and free play... live music performances by the little ones... and "helpers" for when you opened your gifts.

And of course there was chocolate... your first timid tastes of sugar which built to kneading and mashing and stuffing of your face... moments of hilarity... and lots, and lots, and lots of mess.

There were impromptu fake beards... and very dirty clothes... and a certain someone sent straight to the tub.

And after our little birthday boy was tucked up into bed... there was more celebration: toasting, laughing, and reminiscing. There were sincere prayers of thanksgiving and a few little tears of joy and gratitude.

It was a good, good day.

It was a great day.

And, although we most likely will not put such time and energy into parties to come, to mark this first year with a bang felt right and appropriate. Your life (and our parenthood) seemed worthy of our best effort. We thank the good Lord for the miracle of life and for the ability and means to celebrate well.


We love you forever, we'll like you for always. 


Love, 
mama & daddy xxox

365 days ago I met my son for the first time

A year ago today I was on the eve of my due date. My parents had flown in from overseas. My best mate was here, armed with the camera and snacks and lots of encouragement. And my husband and I were packed and ready to go.

It was a hot and humid day with sporadic rain showers. Emma and I swam and walked back and forth across the length of the near-by pool while my parents looked on from underneath the shelter and Ryan worked nervously at the office, waiting for a call at any time.

Baby was engaged.

Mama was feeling brave, excited, and at peace.

We were ready to go.

That night I went to bed with excitement, thinking (perhaps hoping) that I’d go into labor that night.

Then, around 2:00am–just hours after Levi’s official due date began–my waters broke and the contractions started hard and strong.

I was going to have a baby. My life was about to be turned upside-down.

It wasn’t until twelve hours later that I went to the birthing centre. By that time my contractions were consistently three minutes apart and we decided it was time to be in the care of our dear midwife.

Soon after arriving I had an internal examination (well, several of them actually), and then four or five different ultrasounds), only to find out that Levi was breech.

It was against hospital policy to birth breech babies in the birthing centre so I was transferred to the maternity ward and robed up for an unplanned c-section.

Although it wasn’t the natural water birth I had desired, I was glad that I was already in labor and things were progressing smoothly. Baby wasn’t in distress and neither was I. My body went into labor naturally, so I knew we were both ready. And my contractions were hard and strong and fast… but not so fast that they had to rush me through with urgency.

I can’t say that lying in an operating surgery and having someone cut you open to deliver your baby is ideal. I felt passive. I felt a little bit ripped off. I felt an element of sadness.

But mostly I felt relieved. And I felt glad.

I was so fortunate to have my child in a nation where the health care is amazing. Where doctors and nurses and my midwife took incredible care of me. The fact that my child was able to be delivered safely by cesarean was a great comfort, even despite the whirlwind of emotions.

I also felt excitement. I knew that in moments I would be meeting my beautiful boy for the first time.

If I could turn back the clock I would have requested a late term ultra-sound. I’ll never know if we would have been able to turn the baby if we’d caught it in time.

If I could turn back time to 5:46pm on Friday, January 26, 2010 I would have insisted that I got to hold Levi straight away while still on the operating table… rather than an hour and fifteen minutes later after they had sewn me up and done God-knows-what-else in the meantime.

But I can’t. And I’ve made peace with that.

Because when you are at peace, you are free to be grateful.

And grateful I am.

I refuse to let these things define the most life-changing moment of my existence. And I am grateful–beyond grateful–that I could even give birth at all.

I still cry when I hear stories of other mothers having their babies placed on their chest moments after that last push. I cry for what I wasn’t able to experience. I cry for my lost hour and fifteen minutes.

And yet my tears are small compared to the tears of so many mothers… and so many would-be, wanna-be mothers. So many mothers that didn’t even get an hour and fifteen minutes with their babies.

I was warned that a child’s first birthday is an emotional time for moms… And here I am, the day before Levi’s birthday and I’m an absolute hurricane of emotions. I believe it’s possible to be warned and caught off guard at the same time.

So what do I do? I finalize party plans. I wrap presents. I bake cupcakes. I imagine photos I want to capture on Levi’s big day. I think about how my husband and I want to celebrate our own milestone along with Levi’s. I pray. I give thanks. I write a lovesong for my boy. I look back through hundreds of photos and video clips and bawl my eyes out. Not because my baby is growing–I’m glad he’s growing and developing and progressing–but because life is short and I’m thinking I want to squeeze it a little bit more.

I’ve tried to relish, enjoy, savor, record, and live in the moment as much as I was able this last year. I wish I had done that more. There will always be more. But I also realize that I did my best. I gave it my all. I could not have done better.

In twenty-four hours time I will commemorate that moment… the moment I shared my first-born with the world:

5:46pm, Friday, January 29, 2010.

just arrived at the birthing centre after 12 hours of labor at home…
receiving the news that levi is breech.

this is me with my brave face while being prepared for the operating theatre.
although i was a little teary and disappointed, i was genuinely at peace… and very excited.

{first look}
he was the most beautiful thing i had ever beheld.

{first touch}
my heart still aches a little looking at this photo.
if a hand could convey longing, love…
i’m grateful at least, that ryan got to hold him straight away.

{first hold}
at last he was mine. my heart exploded a thousand times as he nursed and nuzzled. it was magic.

{first hold}
beaming with pride and joy as i looked at my husband
and midwife with levi snuggled up to my chest.

being wheeled into the maternity ward to introduce levi to my parents and emma.

emma, my mom, and my dad were all there from the beginning until the end….
they were so happy to welcome our miracle when we finally came out from surgery.
although plans changed, we couldn’t have shared this time with anyone more special.

my precious angel just hours old. the most beautiful and perfect newborn i’ve ever seen.

although i was dog tired, i didn’t want to go to bed that night. i didn’t want it to end.

our extremely happy family – healthy and head-over-heels in love.

room 50. our room 50. i’m so glad for this place.

I didn’t really mean for this to turn into a birth story, but I suppose in a sense it’s turned into a version of one… minus the detail. Writing about it again now, a year later, is comforting… almost therapeutic. I have so much to remember, so much to celebrate. I knew I’d be a mushy mess this week, but I’m surprised at how I’m enjoying the mush. It’s all part of the process, isn’t it? It’s all part of the process of growing, moving on, moving forward…

turning the page,

smitten mama

1, 2, 3, 4... 12

Your favorite things at 12 months old: story books, your guitar, and walking!